i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Best friends brother. Beat that.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
