Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
