Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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