Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
