i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
