I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
