In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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