I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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