I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
