remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
