I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize