At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize