yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
