i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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