My liver just broke up with me...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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