1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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