I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize