Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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