This dress was meant to end up on your floor
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
