My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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