dude i'm inner monologue high
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
