I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
