Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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