sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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