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we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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