is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
