His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize