I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
