Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize