got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
