I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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