is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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