WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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