A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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