you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The uberlube is also flammable
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
