You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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