I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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