I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
