His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
