WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
