farters have to be the big spoon...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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