god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
