I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
