I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I have tasted many bathrooms
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
