Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
