doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
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