I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
...so i touched it.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
