so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
