You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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