I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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