Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
