you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
they're like a gay fantastic four
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
