there's paper in my vomit.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
