Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
