Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
no you cant smoke seaweed
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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