My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
