we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
