I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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