I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
