The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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