I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
