I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
