If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
