i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
