Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
