Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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