Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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