Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
