my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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