cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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