well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
