I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize