She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
