did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
