Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
