We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
