So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
