Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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