his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
