At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
