I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
