i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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