the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Panties = found
Randomize
