i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize