there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
