my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
