Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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