Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
