im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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