"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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