Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
