I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
