OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
