you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
