He uses pillows to masturbate.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
