My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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