I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
