the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize