Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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