He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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