I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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