You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
