i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
