My hair reeks of homosexuality.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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