I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
