His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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