i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
