He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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