I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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