Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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