Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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